neighlasko

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 01:59:17 GMT

I can't think of a thing to say.

Except:

BOO YAH, BABY!

I drive on her streets 'cause she's my companion, I walk through her hills 'cause she knows who I am

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 01:18:56 GMT

I need to see fireworks more often.

I sat close enough to the State Farm field to lay back and let the explosions and colors take over my entire vision. I chased fireflies, unintentionally killed one, and watched a kid burn himself on a sparkler.

Now I'm blaring old music into my ears and typing with sore fingers and I can honestly say I can't remember being this content. I'm learning to pluck at an acoustic guitar leaning on the wall next to me, work is both keeping my mind occupied and vacant, and I put aside enough time each day outside, regardless of the weather.

Walking through puddles in flipflops has a lot to say for itself.

Poor Alex has love on his mind and it's driving him absolutely crazy. Maybe it's the lack thereof that's driving him insane.

I can't emphasize well, since I see loveless moments like childhood. There's no need to rush it, since it's going to happen anyway, and if you do rush it, then it's not healthy or true. Besides, I've seen so many people who fall for love so hard that they're perfectly miserable without it. I never want to put my happiness into another person's hands.

Besides, a part of me is maintaining that there is a chemical imbalance in my personality that repulses anyone from falling in love with me. Unfortunately, I'm too comfortable and happy with my personality to want to change that or even mourn it.

That, and it appeals to my vanity for some reason. Every time I think about it, I feel a swell of pride for some enigmatic reason that I don't care enough about to dissect.

Maybe I'm fighting off depression. It's AV weekend for you WoWers, and this means that I'm probably starved for human interaction in a room full of people on their laptops.

I think I've ignored said room full of WoWers long enough and I want to finish this book anyway. My poor, abused, learning-to-play-guitar fingers have had enough.

If I die and go to hell real soon, it will appear to me as this room.

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 19:29:28 GMT

Life is running on a track machine when the speed is just a notch faster than you're comfortable with.

I'll be damned if it shoots me off into the weight section of the gym, though.

I probably shouldn't explain that, but I may as well. I still have 15 minutes before I leave for work.

I've started a journal. I took the advice of a bad ass old lady I called during work who advised me to get into the habit of dividing your day into the good, the bad, and the interesting tidbits for the sake of my own sanity. That way, I get it out now, instead of harboring it when I teach kids who may or may not be packing guns and explosives.

I write a paragraph in green on one page about anything good that may have happened that day whether it's something small like my Mp3 player living, or something cute like my strumpet cat getting knocked up again. Then, I flip the page over and write on the back in pencil something frustrating or anything that was in the 'suck ass' column of life.

I'm going to get into the habit of this now since it's required for teachers to keep journals now for the school to look at and judge your mental capacity. At least in high school it is.

So wewt. Newt. And sewt.

I'm not ready to worry about things like this yet.

I'm burning through the sky...

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 19:12:40 GMT

Two hundred degrees, that's why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit!

I need out. TIFFANY WANTS OUT, DAMNIT!

There's more to life than working and staying up watching movies. I need outside. I need water.

You know, you'd think that after living in Jacksonville so long, I wouldn't miss the beach.

Fail truck comin' through.

What's going to happen is that we're going to decide to take that beach trip and within the hour, I'm going to be sick of the ocean, salt, and sun. Or sick from it.

I can see this coming my way. I know it's going to happen. Yet, I'm definitely not stopping the inevitable. Yeah, I never was much for using my amazing gift of foresight. Newt.

And on that note, it just so happens that such an opportunity to escape the comfort of air conditioning has just made itself grabable.

And gone.

The people who matter won't care. And the people who care don't matter.

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:45:11 GMT

Livejournaling really does seem like a summer sort of activity. Just because everything I write about isn't constantly taking place so it gives me a chance to jolt it down.

Right now, I'm waiting for Freyja to get off work, Rob to get out of lab, and me to find something to do until 5:30. Well. I'll probably stay inside watching TV and waiting some more - until my body decides that it no longer hates me and wants me to move without pain.

I got sunstroke yesterday. I think. I spent the day bummed out beyond belief for reasons unknown to my conscious state, and hid in a little cubby of pink flowers and pissed off hornets trying to read Catch 22. Didn't realize that I stayed out there for way too long.

So I get random heat flashes and I have to bolt to the bathroom every few minutes to throw up something yellow.

I don't think I even ATE anything yellow.

Aside from that, it's getting better. I haven't thrown up for awhile now. YAY SUMMAH.

Damnit, sun. Et tu?

Random fact - I'm trying to encourage Frey to encourage me to speak French. I'm going to start annoying the hell out of everyone who dares engage me in conversation by spitting out French obscenities.

Well. Random French phrases but I try to say them so non-French speakers think I'm insulting them.

T'es une salope, sucka.

Sucka is totally French.

And why?

Because I can.

Newt!

Mon, 05 May 2008 01:28:15 GMT

My foot's asleep, my shoes are on the other side of this room and I keep forgetting them when I go to the bathroom. Gonna get AIDS, folks, from the bathroom floor of Lovill.

I'm working on emptying my dorm room and throwing things downstairs to the 'Don't Throw It Away' pile. It's amazing what people are trying to throw away. I get me a quite awesome rug that Frey wants to adorn the new livingroom, a funky-looking desk lap, and tin foil (I don't know what I need tinfoil for, but I know I don't have any.)

Life is watching your friends' m1oods change depending on how well they do in Mario Kart - It's glorious and fun to watch. The sad thing is I know that I do it too. SHIT YES! ALEX GOT A STAR ON 150! Oh no, Blue Shell!

Wonderous. I'm planning on visitors like crazy in May, so my little apartment will be crawling for awhile, then I'll move into the Awesome Apartment and it'll probably go with me.

I refuse to talk about exams because I'm sick of, not the exams themselves, but of TALKING about them. Three exams on the same day? Suck. No exams, just papers? Suck. No exams at all? Kick ass. IT'S REPETITIVE. And boring.

During lunch today, we actually talked about, get this, travel! And socially inept people getting laid. Which was just hilarious - It was like a socially awkward people support group in the middle of Mountain House.

My kittens be gone. Mom gave them to the pet store down the street, and, according to her, there wasn't any problems finding them homes. So Soybean gets that new apartment all by herself. Well, rent will be a warm lap and waking up to her little fat body on my other pillow.

Fattie.

It's nice to remember in the midst of all the "OMG FINALS!" and the "OMG PEOPLE" bullshit that everyone keeps talking about, there's a fat little kitty just waiting for the chance to claim our apartment.

Definitely looking forward to coming back from Monroe, though. Two weeks, then NOTHING. Three months of just living - beach plans, amusement park plans, party plans, name it.

Almost as delicious as orange-vodka flavored water.

And why, you may ask, livejournal stalker?

Because I can.

DUM DUM DUM

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 12:38:25 GMT

Ominious music, anyone? If I die from this, I want someone to sprinkle my ashes in a paint can and paint me a smiley face...

...On some poor unsuspecting school with chances of legal ramifications.

Damn you, Bio.

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 04:05:48 GMT

I miss dancing for no reason. I miss not worrying. I miss not complaining. I miss smiling for no reason.

What the hell, mate?

Yay.

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 13:35:41 GMT

Problems have a habit of melting off like wax in the sun.

It's still there, but it's not slowing you down anymore.

(And DAMMIT, Girl Next Door! Turn off your alarm clock!)

Yay, reading.

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 23:55:48 GMT

I just finished The Giver. For the first time in my life. I was not told to read it in elementary, middle, or high school. I didn't even know it existed until someone mentioned it as their favorite book sometime my freshman year.

And I'm stunned. When people made a reference to that book, they normally made a reference to euthenasia. How it was wrong to kill something just because it didn't fit into your idealisms of perfection.

I don't see that at all. I came to the realization that euthenasia wasn't a bucket full of cherries ages ago. But the idea of going through life without really feeling anything surprised me. It surprised me into realizing that we do that now. It's not fictional. It's not appropriate.

It's not approved to laugh too loudly in public anymore. If you're going to cry, don't do it in front of other people: Go to your room/the bathroom/ the hallway. In fact, don't cry at all. Don't dance in joy at the wonderful day you're having, Tiffany, it's not appropriate in the work place where you're supposed to stand, slap on a frozen smile and blankly ask if you can help someone.

It's horrible. I don't think I actually felt emotions until after my 18th birthday. I think, before that, I felt love for my cats. That was probably it. I felt pain for the first time when I stared down at the mangled bike of my cousin's. I felt loss the first time a close friend disposed of me as easily as a soaked tampon. I felt anger the first time my cousin made my mother cry just because she wanted attention from the first boy that would give it to her. I felt disgust the first time my aunt tried to take advantage of my misery one night and tell me to convert.

I felt pride the first time I opened a letter that said I was accepted into Appalachian State University regardless of my aunt's "You'll never do anything important with your life until you sacrafice yourself to God." speeches.

But these aren't acceptable to other people. Oh no. Everything has to be the way someone else wants it.

I don't want to smile for the camera, I'm not happy. I don't want to frown for the camera, I'm not a dysenfected member of Generation X. I don't want to sing Praises Unto the Lord, I don't think there is one. I don't want to sit still as the perfect employee of Welborn Cafeteria, I want to dance, sing happily, cheerfully hold conversations with customers and tease them.

Why do I have to be some abstract delusion of life?

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 01:58:42 GMT

I want life to feel unreal again.

-_-

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 03:44:09 GMT

So, I'm single.

This is my first dump. And it doesn't tickle.

And Tim didn't waste any time popping up on AIM and asking what happened and trying to get me to rebound back on him.

Yeah, no.

So, now all men should have been thrown off the side of a cliff at birth. And I'm going to go wonder what the hell is so wrong with me again.

I guess it's a solace that I'm seeing my mother again and she's buying me dinner tomorrow.

Somewhat. I wish she'd bring Tybalt.

Penis-to-ear relationships.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 00:57:31 GMT

Oh dear, this is hilarious.

Talking to Jarod on le telephone, and the subject of pornos come up. I mention that I've never actually sat down and watched a full-length porno before, and we make a date to expertly analyze one this weekend. I told him that we're not doing it for any other reason than scientific interest.

We'll see how that pans out.

So, anyway, he mentions a porn site that has a clip of a girl going CRAZY with a vacuum cleaner detachment and I watch it, laughing insanely. Seriously, it was great. She's just fucking herself with this attachment and flipping her hair everywhere with reaaaaally cheesy music. That's it. For like 10 minutes. Of course, I couldn't watch it for long without laughing myself into a comma.

Suddenly, he's in his friends' room, and he's already on her laptop so he decides to join me when I decide to explore the site punctuated with exclaims of "Backseat slut teen boys?!" and such. We laugh at a few of the more funnier videos and when his friend sees what he's analyzing, she blows a fuse and we laugh somemore.

Jeez, that was funny. The acting's horrible, and even the orgasms seemed extremely faked. Either way, it was a great way to spend time while Taudry's in the library. It would have been hard to explain the conversations over the ecstatic moaning of a girl having some guy poke her in the ear with his penis.

Anywho, I want to start a book/movie club. Like, every two weeks get together and read a book that was turned into a movie, then watch the movie, and discuss the differences...or just talk. I'm reverting back to my bookworminess. I just want someone to discuss it with.

And, I didn't have to go to work today so I didn't. Wasting money, I know, but I don't care. I had the day to lounge, read, and eat pizza. Yum.

Loveliest conversation

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 04:41:37 GMT

Art Is Tough: WTF?!!
Art Is Tough: Y u POO ON TEH CHAIRZ?!!!!

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 19:40:38 GMT

I'm going for RA next Fall. Four essays, two reccomendations, and a 5 hour interview process. Application/essays/reccomendations due by the 31st of this month.

Dali, this is going to be interesting.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 05:34:54 GMT

Holy hell and Dali, I'm home.

It's too late for this.

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 05:50:50 GMT

Sometimes I wonder if those who die feel the pressure of death upon them beforehand but think they're being too silly.

Maybe it's just because I'm home and my thoughts tend to lean more to death than life. Maybe it's because I'm having chest pains and no medical insurance to have it checked out. Maybe because I'm realizing just how frail my body is. How easily my life can be taken.

How easily I can be snuffed out like a candle.

This isn't the first night I worried that I would not wake up in the morning. The first night here it took me ages to fall asleep because I was worried I would never open my eyes again.

Now that I think on it, every night since that first has been plagued by the small, nagging feeling that the end of my life is looming just around the corner. That, one of these nights, I will not wake. Like now.

I need to go home.

Mon, 25 Dec 2006 15:12:40 GMT

How anti-climatic.

Definitions.

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 16:57:40 GMT

So, showertime is thinking time.

friend [frend] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

4.	a member of the same nation, party, etc.

5.	(initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

love [luhv] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

–noun

1.	a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.	a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.	sexual passion or desire.

4.	a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.	(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.	a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.	sexual intercourse; copulation.

8.	(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

9.	affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

10.	strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

11.	the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12.	the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

re·gret [ri-gret] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, -gret·ted, -gret·ting, noun

–verb (used with object)

1.	to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.): He no sooner spoke than he regretted it.

2.	to think of with a sense of loss: to regret one's vanished youth.

–noun

3.	a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.

4.	a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.

5.	regrets, a polite, usually formal refusal of an invitation: I sent her my regrets.

6.	a note expressing regret at one's inability to accept an invitation: I have had four acceptances and one regret.

hypocrisy

n 1: an expression of agreement that is not supported by real conviction [syn: lip service]

2: insincerity by virtue of pretending to have qualities or beliefs that you do not really have

an·ger [ang-ger] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

2.	Chiefly British Dialect. pain or smart, as of a sore.

3.	Obsolete. grief; trouble.

–verb (used with object)

4.	to arouse anger or wrath in.

5.	Chiefly British Dialect. to cause to smart; inflame.

–verb (used without object)

6.	to become angry: He angers with little provocation.

sad [sad] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–adjective, sad·der, sad·dest.

1.	affected by unhappiness or grief; sorrowful or mournful: to feel sad because a close friend has moved away.

2.	expressive of or characterized by sorrow: sad looks; a sad song.

3.	causing sorrow: a sad disappointment; sad news.

4.	(of color) somber, dark, or dull; drab.

5.	deplorably bad; sorry: a sad attempt.

6.	Obsolete. firm or steadfast.

in·jure [in-jer] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–verb (used with object), -jured, -jur·ing.

1.	to do or cause harm of any kind to; damage; hurt; impair: to injure one's hand.

2.	to do wrong or injustice to.

3.	to wound or offend: to injure a friend's feelings.

Yay, bad moods.

Tears of Pearls

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 17:35:27 GMT

Couldn't think of a subject line so I just typed in the song I was currently listening to.

Okay, the fun has began. Sarcasm.

Back home. Whore's still a big bitch who seems to have come to the conclusion that I now owe her something. Or the world does. And, as part of the world, I need to lick her ass clean.

My other cousin, Gothie, finally moved out of the woods and into my uncle's house in Swansboro. But it doesn't stop her from coming over here when I'm trying to psyche myself out into typing my English paper. She spends about an hour getting me the "You look horrible!" look that sounded more like it came from Whore than anyone else.

They've become friends, see, and Gothie's a natural back-stabbing gossiper. I was always annoyed by her by the time we reached our teens. And she refused to give me a hug, spent an hour demanded to know why I wasn't dressed Goth anymore and telling me that I was wearing too much colors (Blue and tan).

She then kicked me off my own computer while I was typing the paper and deleted the window without saving it so she could get on her MySpace and gaze at pictures of herself.

Then, Whore spent forever in the back of the trailer 'getting ready for church' which involves about 90lbs of make up and four outfit changes. The entire hour and a half getting ready was punctuated by occasional shouts of "I'll be ready when I'm fucking ready!"

Such a good little Christian girl that constantly tells me that I 'need to find Jesus'. And wear more makeup.

Dali.

I was almost relieved when I glanced down at the phone when it rang and it was Ed's dad.

Well, I thought it was Ed, so I bolted outside and away from Gothie, CoolCousin, Kwissy, and Gothie's Fiancee.

Ed's dad got the wrong number, but while he was on the phone, he filled me in.

Ed's been promoted at work, he's got his license, his car, and a plan to put in for School of the Arts again or Cape Fear. I was speechless for a moment, then I told him that I was immeasurably happy that life was finally taking a good turn.

I can see where Ed gets his negativity from, though.

"So, how's life in the Brink Family?"

"It's....going."

Their yard flooded again and they're stuck in canoes again.

I told the dad that I was home until Sunday and if Ed wanted to hang out, then let me know.

So, that was a surprise.

And poor kitty Livi got stranded in our flooded yard on a floating piece of wood howling like crazy until I waded out and saved her fuzzy butt.

Now she's watching the moving screen with great interest and attacking these words every few minutes.

But, all in all, I'm going Christmas shopping tonight with CoolCousin. I'm eating Thanksgiving at home and Whore is eating with her dad so I won't have to put up with her. I'm seeing Hopeless on Friday. And hopefully Saturday.

This break doesn't look too bad so far. Just slightly irritating.

If I have to hear Whore complain once about how stupid I am for not loading my hair down with hairspray when it's supposed to rain, I'm going to scream. Then, snatch up Livi and Tybalt, and go home.

It's odd how Boone's more home than this ever was. It's odd how I notice it now. It's still not ringing that I'm supposed to be there, but it's a hundred times better than this. Ack.

5 days.

Tis the Season...

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 23:30:07 GMT

Merry Christmas to all and to all a...what the fuck?

Hehe. I got off of work last night and ran into Sociopath on my way back to the dorm. A "Hey! How's life?" comment turned into a full-blown conversation that lasted about two-hours in the cold.

After kicking my ass a few times and forcing me into a seriously vulnerable position, I came to realize that my reflexes were as fast as a turtle stampeding through peanut butter. When he offered to train me, I smiled in regret because when I'm play-fighting I realize just how much I need to tone what I'm doing. But when it actually comes down to focusing long enough to work on it, I suck.

But balance is just a general thing to work on. I'm way too clumsy. I think I'll take Sociopath's advice and learn to dance. If he expects me to breakdance, he's going to be sorely disappointed when I challenge him to a waltz.

Moving on, I went Christmas shopping today. It was a group date a few weeks ago, but I doubt anyone remembers that the plan hadn't been canceled. Besides, I preferred being alone anyway. It gave me a chance to be pretty blunt with a few people on the phone about what they wanted for Christmas and what they were getting.

Surprise is great, but I much prefer the person actually liking what I buy. Unless I'm dead sure they'd like it. Then I like the element of surprise. Taudry has a good idea about what she's getting because a few times I had to smack her hand and say "Don't buy that." "Why?" "Because you're not supposed to buy for yourself anymore." "Why?" "Christmas." "...You're not subtle, are you?"

Subtle? What is that?

So, I knocked out most of my family. I'm a little disgusted that I got Nag and Whore two presents and then a mutual present for them to share. But it was just too good.

Nag got little silver cross earrings to appeal to her shallow side. And a Redneck Christmas CD. Whore got a steering wheel cover with light blue flowers on it and a seatbelt cover thing that matched. I bought a Dance Christmas thing for myself, thinking "YES! Techno Christmas!" but I was sorely disappointed. Horribly enough, it seemed like more of the thing Nag and Whore would like. So I wrapped it, addressed it to both of them and gagged a little.

I knocked out other members of the family, though I still need to get my mother a fuzzy fleece blanket, my cousin an ASU sweatshirt, Titty! an Elmo blanket or pillow. I still have no idea what I'm getting my Grandfather.

And I'm Friend shopping back home.

Except for Revolver. I hope those shoes fit because the Wal Mart lady didn't give me a receipt.

Oh, and shopping alone gave me time to talk to Revolver and catch up. She's leaving two days before I get home, so I can't say hello while I'm home but it was nice to get an update on her life.

I really am bad at calling people.

I'm going to see the Devil Wears Prada tonight with FloydFixate. And I'm leaving the antlers behind.

I wore reindeer antlers after work to shopping and that got a lot of "Hey! It's not Christmas yet, idiot!" remarks. I ran over someone's toe with my shopping cart when he said it.

Oh well. Good Dali, I'm dizzy and I have no clue why. It feels like the floor beneath the chair is rotating. I guess it's from the exercise of draping the dorm room with more garland.

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 16:42:42 GMT

It's a pretty day, it may snow tomorrow, and I'm wearing reindeer antlers as I prepare to do some hardcore WalMart Christmas shopping.

Bring it on.

Woo..

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 15:18:34 GMT

I'm not wearing underwear today...No, I'm not wearing underwear today...Not that you probably care much about my underwear, still nonetheless I've gotta say...I'm not wearing underwear todaaaaaaaaay....

Well, I am. I just think that short song is hilarious.

I'm going to Wilmington tomorrow. Right after work. I'll be sleeping in Hopeless' room though I'm not planning on anything more than making out and watching movies on his bed.

"Planning". Let's see how long my 'plan' can last.

Still, I'll return Sunday night. I'm doing all of my homework tonight for Monday.

And I still like the guy. A lot.

It was a severe source of merriment yesterday when Taudry mentioned that she had run into Teddy on her way to class. He excitedly told her that he has a girlfriend, and she gave him that little 'Well, congratulations.' thing. His first question after that statement was, get this:

"Is Horse depressed about it?"

Taudry's answer was hysterical laughter.

My sentiments exactly. Either way, he's not making moves on me anymore. At least I hope not. I ran into Sociopath on my way out of classes and thanked him for cheering Clucky up. I think he was a tad uncomfortable, but I wasn't. My absolute bliss didn't let up until I went to sleep. Even then, I stayed up late talking to Taudry.

I bounced away from the scene, and I'm sure everything's alright.

And this weekend's going to be great. Very, very much so.

Swoon.

Neigh...

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 16:04:01 GMT

Hehe. I like this guy, I really do.

I was slightly suspicious at first if I was taking advantage of the fact that he's not used to girls to relieve my own lonesomeness but I realized that I actually like talking to him. We banter music, classes, irritations, and interests. I got him to admit that he enjoyed a pop song or two and discussed our gaming abilities. Or lack there of.

Clucky said something very familiar earlier yesterday, so I yanked the reins on him a bit. Not a 'I will NOT sleep with you' sort of thing but a 'Slow it down. I probably won't sleep with you when I see you again - not right off. I'm not even promising sex as something in the future. I like you and the only thing I'm undoubtedly offering you to get your attention is my charms.'

He jumped on that wagon right off. I believe he would have been worried if all we did was flirt. I was up until 2am (Unheard of) talking with him on AIM. Just talking. Taudry went to bed before I did (Unheard of again).

Really, I'm absolutely amazed that I have a habit of jumping between men like this. Teddy, Sociopath, small crushes, now Hopeless? I suppose my energy goes all ways.

We went to the Haunted Trail last night and it wasn't anything to be bugged about. You're already expecting someone to jump out at you, so what's so scary when they do?

The only thing that got to me was a girl screaming tied to a chair. Her scream drove to my bones, but I still wasn't scared. The sound was just unappealing.

I want to plan a Haunted House next year.

And I hate to admit it, but I was that one cynical girl who just isn't impressed by anything last night. If I wasn't myself, I would have been annoyed at myself. But tis great.

And, for the love of Dali, my Haunted House will NOT have a chain saw. It's severely overrated.

Meep.

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 15:21:09 GMT

He threw a tantrum. Of all the ways to take that...He threw a fucking tantrum!

I've discovered that a lot of my 'break up's can't seem to happen in person. Because by the time I think the relationship needs to end, the other person is so annoyed with me that he refuses to see me at all.

So, AIM it was. I can't begin to explain this...

Neigh (11:05:42 PM): Sociopath, are you busy for a second?

Sociopath (11:05:57 PM): nah im doing a lil studying but i can type

Neigh(11:07:07 PM): How, honestly, with all chivalry aside, would you define us? Because I like you, I'm just worried about you. You shouldn't go for another girl when you're hung up on someone else. A week's not much.

Sociopath (11:07:54 PM): as friends...thats all i can handle i thought we had that understanding

Sociopath (11:08:14 PM): once i got my emotions in check a thought bout it i told u i wasnt comfortable

Neigh (11:08:45 PM): Ah, most friends don't make out. And friends is fine. I just wanted to have that clarified should you get interested in someone else. Relax, Rob, I'm good with it.

Sociopath (11:09:26 PM): y u think we havent made out hah

Neigh (11:09:46 PM): Ah, and here I thought it was a rejection. It was, just a sugar-coated one.

Sociopath (11:10:04 PM): no its called im not ready

Sociopath (11:10:08 PM): not rejection

Neigh (11:10:44 PM): It's being shot down. Don't worry about it. We'll start over - all romantic (or just random handjob) past forgotten.

Sociopath (11:10:58 PM): omfg

Sociopath (11:11:01 PM): later

Neigh(11:11:03 PM): What?

Neigh(11:11:28 PM): Rob, for the love of Dali, I'm not getting on your ass.

Neigh (11:12:26 PM): Arrgh. Run then. The position still stands, but call me if you ever want to live up to the 'friends' label and hang out sometime.

Sociopath (11:12:41 PM): no u pissed me off im not running

Neigh (11:12:49 PM): How?

Sociopath (11:12:59 PM): forget it ok

Neigh (11:13:15 PM): Amazing how most friends talk about why they're angry with another.

Sociopath (11:13:37 PM): u cant talk 2 sumone u talk down or guilt

Neigh (11:14:17 PM): I'm not guilting you! Don't feel guilty about it! For all honesty, you aren't hurting my feelings. Or anything.

Neigh(11:14:33 PM): And I'm not trying to insult you.

Sociopath (11:14:38 PM): thats y u threw in random handjobs into the mother fucking conversation

Neigh (11:14:47 PM): Can you say it was more?

Sociopath (11:15:06 PM): ugh ull never understand me so stop trying 2

Neigh(11:15:58 PM): Are you actually throwing a tantrum?

Sociopath (11:16:06 PM): its called anger

Neigh(11:16:36 PM): Over something that doesn't require your anger.

Neigh(11:19:02 PM): Oh, good Dali. Forget calling me to hang out. Call me when you can grow up a little bit.

Sociopath (11:19:28 PM): no we just dont see things similiarly and i see it

Neigh (11:20:12 PM): Well, yeah, perspectives are bound to be different, I don't fault you for that. I fault you for getting so angry about it, though.

Sociopath (11:20:29 PM): becuz u dont even try 2 understand it

Neigh (11:20:40 PM): You just yelled at me for trying.

Sociopath (11:21:07 PM): cuz ugh!

Sociopath (11:21:09 PM): haha

Neigh (11:21:42 PM): Rob, call me when you can hold a conversation without getting defensive over something that doesn't need to be defended.

Sociopath (11:22:01 PM): not defensive offended

Neigh (11:22:17 PM): Over what?

Sociopath (11:23:19 PM): u act as if u were just a fucking booty call and thats all u expected me 2 want and i fucking ugh!!!

Neigh (11:24:47 PM): Well, look at my experience with guys. Of course that's all I expected of you. Then, you surprised me by proving me wrong, so I expected a bit of a relationship. Even if it was a rebound one. I know that's not all there is to you, personally, but that's all there was to the encounter. If you can give me a better name for it, then please do.
Sociopath (11:25:24 PM): i fucking did like u but i wasnt fucking ready and u didnt respect that!

Sociopath (11:25:54 PM): u kept pushing it and pushing it after i tryed 2 give u hints, tell u suddely, and blatently telling u

Sociopath (11:25:56 PM): none worked til now

Neigh(11:27:14 PM): I'm not pushing you now. It may sound harsh, but I've lost interest. You're actually throwing a tantrum. And I did want to give you space, I just wanted a bit of a hold. But, being friends as you put it, there was no hold though I thought there was. Just a bit of stability. I'm giving you plenty of space now. Isn't that what you asked for?

Sociopath (11:28:11 PM): yea im just mad i didnt get it sooner and it mad me alot more stressed than i needed 2 b and like made me resent u greatly

Neigh (11:29:35 PM): Well, don't resent. Or hell, do resent me. I'm past caring. You've got plenty of time to work through your stress and problems now. I'd like to hear about them, though. Just not under the guise of anything other than what we are. Friends. No kisses. No random headbutts.

Sociopath (11:30:02 PM): good

Neigh (11:30:39 PM): And, it's too much to ask for no 'Anger to Horsie'?

Sociopath (11:31:10 PM): i dunno

Neigh (11:31:43 PM): Ah, well when you get over it, let me know. I'm going to bed for sugar plum dreams.

Sociopath (11:31:52 PM): k whateva

Okay, I could have handled that a bit better, I just can't believe how quickly he leapt up for confrontation. I wasn't looking for a fight - hell no.

Either way, about two hours before that, I spent the time talking to Hopeless. It went well. ...Very well. And if I hadn't kept in mind that Taudry was out in the hall, it would have been much, much better.

And he has no idea how to deal with girls. And I can't help but find that shy awkwardness cute.

And...the conversation didn't lag at all. In fact, if it did pause, it was because I couldn't think of anything to say for a change. And when he mentioned that if I kept calling him cute, he was going to blush in the middle of the computer lab, I rose to the challenge.

And won. Spectacularly. Not only did I get him to blush, but I got him to giggle (The first male to not only admit that he giggles, but admitted it with no prompt. Loving it.), laugh mishievously, and force him to rearrange himself so that it wasn't obvious to everyone in the computer lab just what I was saying.

I should have put some kind of favor on the line. Either way, I'm waiting for him to get back online. Not actively, of course. I saved that conversation for a reason. ^_^

Squee.

(By the way...I'm a kitty!)